My First Hospital Birth: The Good, The Bad & Why My Nurse Took Notes on ME

In this episode, I introduce my husband, Dr. James (but you can call him Jimmy!), a physical therapist like myself. Together, we dive into the birth story of our firstborn, Noah—a hospital birth that did not go as planned.

From being told my body was failing me before labor even started to a traumatic induction, unnecessary interventions, and feeling like an inconvenience during pushing, this experience shook me to my core. But in a surprising twist, my labor and delivery nurses ended up taking notes on how I pushed—planting the first seed for what would later become The Push Lab.

If you’re preparing for birth, you need to hear this. Let’s talk about what went right, what went wrong, and the biggest takeaways that could change how you approach your own birth experience.

Don't forget the BRAIN acronym for your own birth journey!

If you want a birth plan that goes beyond ‘hope for the best,’ then the Push Lab is for you! Because birth isn’t just about getting the baby out—it’s about setting *you* up for the strongest start to motherhood. Sign up here!

Transcript

Hey mama, today we'll talk about my first birth story and I'm just honored to have you here listening and the fact that you want to listen to this story means so much to me. I brought my husband, Dr. James on, but something I wanna do with my podcasts is to either start or end them with prayer. So today we'll start with prayer. So if you can bow your heads. Dear Jesus, thank you so much for the time we have together. Thank you for sweet Noah. He is.

five almost six and is turning into such a compassionate competitive analytical curious and bright child and I just love seeing all of these qualities come out as a big brother to Patrick and to the baby twin girls you know his heart and his mind and we thank you for all of his gifts and we thank you for this birth and as we look back on it I know we might be sharing things that

didn't go well and I know a lot of my emotions around this birth are troubling, but ultimately we just thank you for his life and thank you for the mom who is sitting here listening, amen.

So Dr. Jimmy, welcome to the Push Lab podcast, my love. Thank you for having me on. I do want to take a little bit of credit. I've been telling Dr. Betsy here to start a podcast for probably about a year. And she's finally done it, so I'm proud of her. And you brought me on earlier than I brought you on to my podcast, Have I been on your podcast? You have not. Oh. I need to change that. OK. I was like, man.

postpartum brain I didn't know it was that bad. So I want to set the scene for all of you. Moving on to Noah's birth. I was pregnant in 2018. I had a lot of nausea and it was a hard pregnancy but there was a lot of joy too and once that nausea passed I really focused on physically preparing my body for birth. I thought I had a strong mindset. I felt so confident dare I say overconfident because of my background as a physical therapist, especially a pelvic floor physical therapist who helped moms prepare their bodies for birth and then recover and heal postpartum. we were newlyweds living in Boulder, Colorado, and we lived just below the hospital down the road.

I actually biked to my prenatal appointments, much to the surprise of the hospital staff, but I was in such good shape back then. I was comfortable with a hospital birth. I did not really think about doing a home birth, even though the Boulder birth culture really does support home birthing, and I was around a lot of moms who were choosing that. I just wanted to be at a hospital, so that's what I chose. I was teaching prenatal and postpartum fitness classes alongside working full-time as a pelvic floor physical therapist.

And even though I knew how to prepare the body for birth, I knew safe push techniques, I knew a lot about physically preparing for that big moment, the birth did not go as planned. And while I know I'm very blessed to say that the result was a beautiful baby boy, the journey to get there is also important. And that journey for me, well, it was traumatic. I think though what we're going to do today is break down what went well, what could have gone better, and then our major takeaways. And I hope that this is going to leave you with some actionable steps and confidence surrounding advocating for yourself in your birth room.

How does that sound, Jimmy?

Let's do it! All right. So what went well? Our labor and delivery nurses were very friendly and supportive through, I would say, 90 % of the labor. We'll get into that other 10 % later on. But do you agree that they were pretty supportive? I do, especially because you had an induction. And that took a while. But throughout that whole process, that first day, they were very supportive. And we were walking a lot. And they would say hi to us. So yeah, I would agree with that.

Yeah, they kind of felt like a best friend. They were very nice.

Moving on, I was really excited that the labor tub was available. It was this large whirlpool. They wanted husband to get into and you couldn't birth in this tub, but it was very comfortable and private and they left us alone and that was really helpful.

when contractions were finally building and I was having a hard time riding the wave of each contraction. I also think my husband was very active and present, especially through the beginning. It was a long waiting game with the induction and I'll get more into that process later, but he was just really motivating and encouraging and that helped because I was very impatient waiting for labor to start.

Lastly, the epidural was game changer for me. Even though I had my heart set against having any type of intervention, I really wanted an unmedicated birth. It got to a point where the epidural was needed and it actually helped progress my labor.

Let's transition to what did not go so well. Well, we did take a hospital birth class. Looking back, I never even thought, let me look at different birth classes besides what was offered at the hospital. It was very much a watered down discussion about what a cookie cutter labor looks like.

There was no discussion about options to support labor progression. There was no discussion about unmedicated pain management techniques. The techniques they taught the birth partners were pretty basic and maybe five to 10 minutes of the class. I think even less than that. Yeah. I think they taught us two, maybe three techniques. was kind of like a throw in towards the end of the class from what I remember.

The woman who led the class was a labor and delivery nurse. You could tell she'd been with the hospital a long time. She was so nice. We left feeling like she was a best friend, but we were a little bit naive about what was to come. They really did butter us up, telling us that this is gonna be great, this is what's going to happen, and it was no big deal. So we just felt overly confident, but were given no tools to advocate for ourself. We were given no tools for problem solving.

And they kind of said, if you want an unmedicated birth, that's fine, but most moms are gonna need this, this, and this. And they just brushed off unmedicated births as this unicorn birth that really doesn't happen often.

The one thing that really bothered me with the hospital class was that they were teaching women to perform Kegels in order to push out their baby. And if you have been in my little corner of the internet, you know this is a pet peeve of mine because your pelvic floor does not push out a baby. You have to learn how to relax those muscles and overdoing the Kegels can lead to a birth injury. So I knew this advice was not good. I did not take this advice, but I did not feel confident raising my hand and saying,

I'm a pelvic floor PT and I would love to dive into how that's not great advice, but I was not very confident in that setting to do so. So ultimately, we could have taken a better class. This whole birth story is why we decided to create our own birth class and combine our knowledge with pelvic floor physical therapy, orthopedic physical therapy, pain science, our jobs are to get women, anyone, men and women out of pain. So we applied all of that science to

labor delivery preparation. In fairness, too, we. And I you teach this a lot, too, is we could have done our own homework as well. Right. So we shouldn't have relied on one class expecting that to teach us everything. So there's so much about birth that I know you obviously push lab. You dive so much into each topic, you know, so and we encourage all all listeners out there is to always your own homework. You know, it's because, again,

There's so much to each topic. We don't want you to feel overwhelmed, but we also want you to have more information to be able to advocate for yourself. And we failed in that department, and I think we should also own up and take responsibility on that front. I think that's true. And as a first time mom, you are so excited about the Pinterest boards for your nursery, for your baby registry. I remember yours. I know. I mean, how many hours upon hours did I spend trying to figure out

what sheets I wanted for the crib, what the theme was gonna be for the nursery that my child didn't even sleep in. How much time did I actually spend preparing my mindset and connecting with Jesus so that I could conquer this birth rather than kind of suffer through

honestly was what happened.

So with that, not having the education about how to advocate for ourselves or ask questions, I agreed to an induction at 41 weeks because my body was not showing any signs of labor, zero signs. And my OBGYN looked me in the eye and told me, I have never seen a woman at 41 weeks pregnant without labor signs go into labor. Your body's not going to go into labor.

That's what she told me.

I was devastated that I couldn't have the unmedicated birth I wanted. And not only that, but that my body was failing me. My body didn't know how to go into labor. And so I was skeptical, but I didn't really ask questions. I was just so devastated. I know I keep saying that word, but that's how I felt. It was such a letdown. And she said, okay, well, let's just do a quick ultrasound and measure the baby.

She then came back in and said, my gosh, mom, baby's measuring at nine and a half to 11 and a half pounds. We have got to get this baby out. And so then there was this stress added to it. Like my body is now not going to be able to birth this baby because this baby's too big. So we scheduled the induction and we came back to the hospital the very next day and

I was just so sad starting it out. just, I felt like a failure and my gosh, that was just the worst feeling to feel going into childbirth. And now looking back, I know that it is not a medically necessary reason to be induced based on how many weeks pregnant you are or size of baby. So spoiler alert, Noah was seven pounds, 14 ounces, perfectly healthy. That is not a large baby. And they used...

scared tactics to have me agree to this and I'm just so I was just so sad about it.

So when we got there, they couldn't even do a Foley balloon because I wasn't dilated at all. So we had to start with servidil orally and we spent an entire day waiting for contractions to start. And once they did, they really ramped up and were in full swing. And I was already mentally beaten down a bit. Wasn't really able to lean on God in those moments because I was already so mad at myself.

and trying to deal with those emotions that I kind of went right into labor without the confidence that I needed. But I do remember being in the tub and trying to visualize my pelvic floor and trying to visualize the ocean and imagining every contraction coming in is like the ocean waves. And then every contraction as it stopped were the ocean waves receding back into the ocean. So I had this visualization going and it wasn't doing anything for me.

which was when we decided, okay, I think we need to do an epidural. And in this instance, it was very much needed because it allowed me to get from four centimeters dilation all the way to 10. And before this, when the nurses came in or the OB, they would look at me like, gosh, like, how are you doing? I don't know. They started to look at me doubtfully, which made me doubt myself. And then when they would do the cervical checks, they're like, your body, your body's not responding.

to the medication, you I don't know. And so now here I am, my body didn't go into labor on its own. Now my body's not responding appropriately to their timeline. And when the pain got wildly out of control and the nurse came in and just was looking at me with doubt, I really think she failed in the sense that she could have come in with this feminine energy as someone who has seen countless births and just said, mama, you've got this, look at you.

You are doing something hard and you're doing it wonderfully. mean, anything positive, anything like that could have helped me be like, my gosh, I am. Because I have no idea right now. This is a brand new experience. This is really intense and quite painful. And I'm doubting every minute of it. And of course, Jimmy, you were good at saying, you you've got this, you're doing great. But that almost didn't mean anything because he has no idea what labor should look like or how I should be handling these contractions. And so it was frustrating that

They didn't stand up for me in that way. And I think too, that is where a doula can come in as this feminine energy who has seen births over and over again and who can really speak to your strength and your confidence and your ability to birth. And I got none of that.

Yeah, it really was. I remember it. It was hard being there with you because I could see how how much you were struggling and how much pain you were in. And all I could really offer was words of encouragement. But again, how much is that really kind of getting through to you? And I'm sure there were words that were getting through to you. But at the same time, this is, you know, up to this point, the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. So and I always obviously have not experienced it myself. And I

We'll never experience that myself, but just being there for all the husbands out there who are listening to, just doing anything you can. And it is going to be hard, especially if it's your first one, you've never done it before. And just to try to kind of see the big picture, and I we're gonna talk about this a little bit more too on our main takeaways, but try to see that big picture and just really be there for her and you don't know what.

Technique that you learn or what words that you say to her are gonna kind of hit home with her and really kind of push her through to the next stage of labor or whatever stage she's at so just don't don't be discouraged and You even if it doesn't seem like it's working. You don't know what's going through to her as well Yeah, we give much more actionable tips too in our birth class we did all the research after this birth because Jimmy walked away being like huh guy could have supported her better and I also had some emotions of

wishing that he knew how to support me more. So we had to work through that together. But this brings us to pushing. So I was 10 centimeters, it was time to push. And suddenly my RN who went from mostly supportive to becoming a little aggressive about saying I need to be lying flat on my back, I need to hold on to the hospital bed rails, she wanted me curling up, holding my breath and pushing that way. And I...

was just like, is not what I'm going to do. This does not feel good in my body. I think I need to move out of this position. And she told me, well, I don't know what difference that's gonna make. And luckily I was able to get on all knees facing the head of the bed. And that was a really good position for me to push in. And I was really focused on my breathing and using my core, my glottis, my pelvic floor. And that really did help.

the pushing although for first time moms it can take several hours. We know that the research is out there but even though we knew that research my OB kept coming in and she just kept saying you've got to do it differently you've got to quiet down I really think you just need to hold your breath I just I don't know what's going on in here you got to quiet down so again already feeling doubtful about everything I started thinking wait a minute

ma'am, you know, I'm a pelvic floor PT. We talked about this all the time in my prenatal appointments. Why are you suggesting something you know, I teach push techniques differently. And then it wasn't until later that I realized, wait a minute, she actually doesn't know what I teach. She doesn't know that there are different ways to push in order to protect your body and your pelvic floor. There are movements you can do to get baby into the birth canal smoothly. There's movements and positions that you can be in as you're pushing to help progress things.

the nurses and my OB had no idea about that. And when I think back on this birth, I think I had a little bit of a victim mindset. wanted to think of them kind of in a, like they were the persecutor because they pressured me into an induction I didn't want. They were not supportive in the way I wanted. They were recommending things that were not evidence-based. And I kind of held onto that. And that was almost my fire.

when I created the Push Lab because I thought, you know what, if I can't trust the hospital system to be teaching moms this, then gosh darn it, I'm going to learn everything I can about birth and I will make the class and I will be the one to motivate moms to ask questions, to get in the right positions, to know how to push. I'm not going to rely on the hospital staff anymore. And as a pelvic floor PT, I mean, I know what I teach.

But I can only see so many people in a day. So that's why I'm so happy the Push Lab has been so successful in helping women globally learn all of this information. But it hasn't been until recently, I would say, that I now have the wisdom that comes with age. I mean, this was almost six years ago. Noah's birthday is in a couple of weeks, so almost six years. And I've realized I look back at these women now, and there's not that anger. There's not that victim mentality. It's more...

like a sadness, you know, these women don't, they only know what they know. Your labor delivery nurses are going to encourage you to push very confidently in the way that they learned. And they will be very confident about what they learned because they care about you. So for moms who were in the birth room and they're like, wait a minute, this is completely different than what Dr. Betsy taught me in the push lab. Well, they just haven't learned differently. And that's where

Childbirth education and coaching in the birth room needs to be revolutionized and I think we're seeing it a little bit. I have heard of some hospitals where the nurses are spinning babies certified so they know more about positions and movement, but it's gonna be a slow change. I don't know if we'll see a full change ever, but I am happy that I'm at peace now and that I'm not looking at these women with anger. It's more a hope that one day maybe they do learn.

how they can support women in a more physiologically sound way. That was a lot, you haven't talked in a while.

No, I agree. I think we both learned a lot from this experience. And again, I think it's kind of twofold. And one, our naivete. What's the word? I don't think that's how you say it. Be naive. That's a word. It is a word. Us being young and naive, because I don't know how to say it the other way. OK. We were naive. But no, in fairness, too, like,

Betsy said, you only know what you know and they were confident in what they knew and they thought that was the right way to go. So it is an ignorance thing versus, know, I know this isn't the right way to do it, but I'm gonna make you do it anyways. There's no ill intent on their part by any means.

That's true. And I am hopeful because after I gave birth, I had my labor and delivery nurse come into my birth room and she asked me, can you teach me everything about the way you just pushed out this baby? I just need to know because it was so different than anything she had seen before. So I was so excited. I let her know I a pelvic floor PT at this point. And I started talking to her in very anatomical terms about.

your glottis, your diaphragm, your core muscles, your pelvic floor. And she said, please hold, I'm going to go get a pen and paper. And so she ran out of the room to go get a pen and paper to take notes and she brought back another labor and delivery nurse who was very much keen on learning from me as well. So that does make me hopeful. I wonder if they use the techniques after I taught it to them. I love that they saw that there is a better and more intuitive way to give birth versus listening to.

the techniques they were teaching, was hold your breath, bear down, push. You know, if you're not working hard and getting breathless, you're not doing it right. That's not true moms. it's not true. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, just sign up for my birth class and you will find such a better way to birth that baby.

Ultimately, looking back, I would say I feel at peace with this whole birth. And it's brought us so far. It kickstarted my career. So I think from what was a traumatic experience for me, and I actually didn't even go into like all of the things that were traumatic and how they fought me on certain things and pressured me to take an antibiotic, even though I didn't have a fever and that wasn't medically sound. So there was a lot that felt like I was not being supported in the way I should have been.

But ultimately, these are the takeaways I want for you,

I want you to always question when hospital staff are recommending any type of intervention or induction. It is not rude of you to do so and you're standing up for yourself and your baby.

my induction could have been avoided if I knew how to ask questions. And now I wanna go into the acronym BRAIN. B stands for benefits. So you can ask, are the positive outcomes of this particular decision? R is for risks. What are the potential negative consequences? A, alternatives. What other options are available? I, intuition. How do you feel?

about this intervention? What is your gut instinct? And N is for nothing. What happens if no action is taken? We didn't ask these questions enough, or actually at all. So I really encourage you to do so and know that you have every right to ask questions. The second takeaway is that you need to truly prepare physically, mentally and spiritually alongside your husband. This labor experience is what set us off on a journey to

create an evidence-based birth class centered on pain psychology, physical therapy, pain relieving techniques, breathing techniques to help labor progress and safe push techniques to minimize injury. Lastly, the husband needs to be ready to step up and advocate for the mom and not be scared of his masculine energy.

You know, I'll speak on that as well because in our first birth, had, and Betsy will say this too, a bit of a deer in the headlights look. And again, part of it was the preparation, part of it was on my part being overconfident going in. I think the masculine energy too is something that can be very powerful. Because often you,

husbands out there, you will be probably the only male voice in that labor and delivery room. And being a male comes with that, a certain responsibility, a certain respect as well. And so if you are comfortable and you and your wife have prepared well and you know that they are offering an intervention, you can see your wife is exhausted and she might be giving in or

You can see that she's not really thinking clearly because she's just so tired of pushing Then you can step in and say no, we're not gonna do that because that's not what she wants and Doing it authoritatively doing it without being rude obviously, but having that authoritative voice To stand up for your wife to stand up for her when you know that it is against her wishes It's something that's very powerful and I think it's it's often overlooked

especially in our society nowadays where masculinity is kind of being touted as a negative. you know, true authentic masculinity is very powerful. And it should be powerful because that is how God made men. And when we use that, has he intended for good, it is a force that really can help those that need it the most. And in this case, it is your wife who is

trying to push out your baby. And so not to be afraid of that, to harness that, to cherish that, and to use it effectively in situations like this where it is a very high stress environment. There's gonna be people talking and again throwing else's advice at you. again, it's asking, it's just asking questions. If you don't know what to say, just ask questions. And a lot of times that will kind of snap you out of if you are having that during the headlights phase.

Because you probably will be like, my gosh, what the heck is going on? Just ask questions. And you'll realize your brain will start working again. And then you guys can get back into the necessary interventions that you know your wife and you talked about beforehand.

I agree with that.

So just to be clear, when we're talking about masculine energy and the benefit of this in the birth room, we're not talking about the husband being rude or aggressive. And I think those two words are often labeled today in society as the hallmark traits of masculinity. And here we're just really asking men to stand up and guard and protect and love their wife. And they can do that when they are given the tools to do so in a very new environment, which is childbirth. So.

After that birth, we really didn't even think about the birth for months. We just went right into newborn, new parent stage of life. And it wasn't until months later that we were like, huh, wait a minute, a lot happened that we thought could have gone differently. So if you have a birth experience that did not go as planned, just know that does not mean the next one will be the same. I have gone on to have two beautiful births, which we will talk about.

in coming episodes. I hope that this podcast was helpful for you. Thank you for listening to the birth story of our dear sweet Noah. I hope the takeaways are helpful. Remember the brain acronym and we'll see you in the next episode where we talk about baby P's birth. That was my easiest birth and there's actually one big lesson at the very end of that birth and I can't wait to share that with you too.